When the doctor told us that he didn’t expect William to survive through the week I hurt to my soul. It was debilitating. I thought, “How can he say something like that? How can he be so heartless?” The problem was that this stuff was real. I mean it was real, yet I still couldn’t wrap my head around it. I couldn’t process the information. I was angry, hurt, and offended that he even said it. Why? Because my son was down the hall fighting for his life, literally! It wasn’t that I thought my son was going to die. It was the possibility. That’s what scared me.
William had a number of obstacles in front of him. At first, he just had bleeding in the right side of his brain. A day later the bleeding was in both sides. In addition to that, he had a collapsed lung, high
blood pressure, his blood sugar was through the roof, and he was unable to breathe on his own so he was on 100% oxygen. Uphill battle? There’s no feeling like helplessness. I just wanted to do something for him…anything! Nothing like looking down at your child, who can fit in the palm of your hand, eyes covered in gauze because their underdeveloped, who’s laying inside of a container the size and shape of a cookie sheet wrapped in saran wrap with steam being blown over him (along with a heat lamp) to keep him warm.
Unfortunately, despite William’s uphill battle, life went on. My day started at 430am and still does. I’d arrive at our gym before 6am, went to visit with William around 7am for about an hour, return to the
gym to work, close the gym at 8pm, go back to visit with William until 11pm, go home and hopefully get some sleep without hearing from the hospital, then get up the next day and do it all over again. This went on for 92 days. Some days were better than others, of course. Either way, I got to see my boy! I guess everyday was a good day. Perspective.
Our favorite nurse, Debbie, told us to keep a journal. She said to write in it every day and one day we would appreciate looking back at it. Today is one of those days. Regardless of the storm William,
Lisa and me were going through I was able to write some encouraging words in our journal.